Thursday, January 1, 2009


The weather’s not so good right now. The sky is dark and the air is quite chilly. I recon a downpour is scheduled any time soon. Everything is pretty moody at this very moment. Even the song that’s playing in my ears now is slow. I’m not sure if things are as bad as I thought they are. For what I know and I can feel, I’m not gonna laugh at any jokes right now. I’m not in a good mood.

I don’t remember life to be this complicated. So many problems, so many emotions, feelings and mood swings. Also, I don’t know this many people as I have known before. I guess that’s what contributes to what I’m going thru right now; too many thoughts and attitudes to go with. Some of which are pretty stupid and irrelevant. Annoying, that’s the word. They think they’re the only ones being in the big wheel, going up and down. Think they’re the only ones with problems to crack.

For God’s sake, get a hold of yourself, man. Geez, they always have to make sitcoms look like a drama (a stupid one, to say). These people always have to ruin the day. When their mood is off, they won’t talk, they walk in slow-mo, they go boring and stare into the thin air as if they trying to bend a spoon or something. Then, when they came into the picture, the whole room will heat up. I don’t like that kinda heat. When you talk to them, yes, they answered, but at the lowest of volume. God, I hate that. Makes me sick.

Sure, I have my times. But you don’t have to drag it along the whole day. A few hours are okay. I can understand that, but longer than that, how about a kick in the face, huh? If you have to bring home the long face, when you’re asked what happen, please, just talk. Staying silent? Alright, I won’t give a damn. You don’t have to act blue and try to show the whole world you’re having a crisis. Or else, isolate yourself. That’s what I always do. Trust me, people will want to help. Unless you’re trying to look depressed, fuck off. You just annoy them.

Grow up, dirt bag.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Between me and my friends, I’m prolly one of the few people who always look at life at its easiest, hassle-free. All I thought of doing is all about having fun. Squeezing all the good juice and throwing away the remaining husks. But something happened recently. Like lightning, though I never struck by one, it did gave me a good smack in the head.
It made me realize that I’ve been thinking and planning about having too much fun, I’ve even forgot to grow up. I planned a lot for myself. I’ve been neglecting my responsibility. It occurred to me that very moment that what I do and this life I’m responsible for is not about me entirely. There are other people sustaining me and people counting on me doing something about it.
All this while, all I ever thought of was getting myself paid, by any means necessary, so I can get my hands on the things I want so much. iPod, new camera, more RAMs, gadgets, new clothes and all. I don’t really care about living my life.
Been there, done that.

Sure, fine-dining was gainful and I can stretch a smile every time I see the paycheck. But, I got out of
the house just after the sun rise and back home after it set. Where is the life, actually?

I left.

I guess what I really want all this time is not exactly what I’ve been searching for. Clearly, everything that happened is not at all easy to decipher. Worse, the key was never provided. You have to make one.

I always do things by choice, not by desperation. It’s something I am always proud of with myself. Well, tell you the truth, going by choice all the time doesn’t turn out very well right now. I need to be desperate. I need to be one of them desperados and see how it would go. Coz what I can see in them is, they grow up. Who knows, it could be my big break.

Reactor: Online.

So let’s turn the table, shall we? Let’s do something out of the ordinary, get out of the comfort zone. I’m built for this.
Thanks, kodok. :-)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Plans foiled. Sorrow started overwhelming.

The gloomy day got darker when the dark cloud filled the sky. Cold wind blew, sweeping through the streets and I can feel the chill right in my bones. It rained eventually. I stayed at home, on the balcony, overlooking the pouring rain. The day was dark, as if it was reaching nightfall and the rain was heavy, and it proved no signs of slowing down, let alone ceasing its rush. I was still on the same spot, on the same balcony, overlooking the rain, reflecting on myself. It was noisy, yes. But the resonance helped concealing the gloomy thinking space. One thing occurred from the long thought, I never realize when the rain would stop. It just did, it stopped. I waited there until the clouds bestowed its last drop of water. I looked up, the sun started to shine from behind the cloud. The air is still cold, but this time, it was different. It brought with it a warm feel of welcome, greeting into the washed Earth. I felt invigorated, alive. And the nothing could beat the smell of the city after a cloudburst.


I was having mood-swing just moments ago, and now I feel like I could smile to anyone who looked in my way. I guess a little rain won’t hurt.

It heals.